Great Teacher Kanone
by Kounellii
Summary: Eyes, Kousuke, Ryouko, & Rio's training with Kanone. He'll train them to protect themselves but they find his methods quite weird & irritating. Can these kids who having nothing in common, besides a missing rib, get along? Ch3: Now what did you wear?
1. The Cat

**Great Teacher Kanone **by: Kounellii**  
**

_Kou's comments_: This fic is set back when Kanone begins to first train the BlaChil. Kanone said he trained each of them in the Spiral manga so I put them together and so I'm not basing it on Spiral Alive (where Ryouko never met Rio until later).

_Disclaimer_: I disclaim Spiral -Suiri no Kizuna- but I love all the characters.

- What The Cat Left -

In England, the wind tickled the young Blade Child. She shivered slightly until a boy with magenta hair placed his cloak around her. She looked up in appreciation.

"Kousuke you baka! You're late!" yelled Rio, as she closed the openings of his jacket with her hands.

"Is that how you thank someone when they've given you their jacket?" fired Kousuke back at the littlest living Blade Child. He sighed and watched as his breath formed in the early snowfall.

After a little bickering, the two continued standing in front of the Watcher's headquarters. Someone steps out from the clear glass doors, approaching their backs silently…

"BOO!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Rio and Kousuke at the same time. They recovered themselves and glared at a much younger Ryouko. The brunette laughed at them and soon, joined them in waiting.

Finally a black car with tinted windows drove up to them.

"About time Kirie! Jeez, you Watchers call us up here and then you come late!" muttered Kousuke as he opens the passenger seat.

"Please keep it down," said a young boy with white hair and piercing blue eyes. He was sitting in the passenger seat that Kousuke was about to take.

"Don't you tell me what to do. Just who do you think you are?" roared Kousuke as he moves to slam the door but a small hand caught it and he gently closes it.

"KOUSUKE!" exclaimed Rio as she smiles at the boy with white hair and shoves Kousuke into the backseat. Ryouko quickly climbs in and slams the door.

With a serious face, Ryouko asked, "So what's your name boy? Or don't you have one?"

At first, the boy with white hair acted as if he didn't hear. Until Ryouko started shaking the seat in front of her.

"CUT IT OUT ALREADY!" yelled Kirie with pointy demon eyes.

Finally, the young boy turns around and fixed his eyes on Ryouko's. She gives an involuntary gulp next to Rio, who was blushing and staring at him. He answers, "Before you ask for someone's name, it's only polite to give your own first."

_Real smooth! _thought Ryouko, Rio, and Kousuke, sweatdropping in unison. _Nobody can say that with such a straight face _thought Kousuke.

After introductions, Kirie drives the car in silence. _We've got a lot on our hands. A kid with no manners who hates the kid with an icy heart, a fan girl of icy-boy, and a tomboy. All a bunch of brats! _She thought exasperatedly as she remembers she had to switch to a lollipop over a cigarette for these kids.

An hour later Kirie made a rough turn into a long driveway. The estate had a tall black iron fence surrounding it. They each filed out and followed the Watcher into the mansion.

Many servants bowed down to them, making Ryouko, who was born in Japan, keep bowing over and over in return until Kousuke called her stupid.

"Well, that wasn't gentleman-like," said a pleasant voice. They all looked up at a boy with yellow eyes and short orange hair as he descended down the spiral staircase (heh).

"Hey kid! Took you long enough to come down here. Alright, you four, this guy is just like you. His name is-" began Kirie but was cut off. They stared at Kanone.

"Kanone. Kanone Hilbert," introduced Kanone as he half-bowed to them.

"Er… so? I didn't come all the way here to meet another Blade Child. Now hurry up and show me the guy who will make me stronger," growled Kousuke. But immediately he gets both cheeks shoved by Rio and Ryouko.

"Ehem, please excuse this fool. He's not nice, but we are. So I have to say, I'd like to get this training overwith so don't get in my way," warned Ryouko.

"You must be Ryouko judging from your lack of feminism. But I can teach you about that later. Since you're all eager to train, let's start you off with walking down the stairs," said Kanone, smiling serenely.

"SAY WHAT? D-don't tell me… you're our teacher? YOU'RE WEARING A WEIRD KITTY CAT SWEATER!" yelled Ryouko, offended and irritated by his Cheshire cat-like smile.

"And how does walking down the friggin' stairs count as training?"

Touching his finger to his chin, he responds delightfully, "By wearing these!" As Kanone easily lifts a small anvil. Four servants had dragged 4 sets of anvils and were panting heavily.

"S-sir, w-we've brought gasp your toy anvils wheeze a-as you requested," finished the servant as he faints straightaway.

"TOY ANVILS MY BUTT!"

And little Kanone just smiles.

_EXTRA_: This fic is inspired from the book cover of vol. 5 (not the cover flap) of Eyes trying to throw a knife but instead, hits Kanone square in the face… ouch! Please review and suggestions for torture-er, training, are welcomed.


	2. The Pain

**Great Teacher Kanone **by: Kounellii**  
**

_Mav's comments_: Thanks to my signed and anonymous reviewers for their suggestionsXD DreamyLane asked a good question. According to vol. 7, p.119; Kanone trained Kousuke, Ryoko and Rio how to fight. Of course, he also trained Eyes but the manga doesn't mention when he left them… which is what this fic will fill in!

_Disclaimer_: I have never owned Spiral -Suiri no Kizuna-, but Kyo Shirodaira and Eita Mizuno sure doXD-g

- The Pain Begins -

"I s-swear…" wheezes Kousuke, clutching his sides. His clothes were drenched to the skin as he lies flat on his stomach. With all the remaining strength he had, he lifted his face up to Kanone's.

"… I'm g-gonna break off y-your leg," pants Kousuke, "and kick your ((BEEP)) with it!"

And with one more spiteful glance, his face falls flat onto the snow. Kanone chuckled and shook his head, scribbling something onto the sheet on his clipboard.

"KOUSUKE!" cried Ryoko anxiously. She hobbled next to him, trying to drag the anvil with her.

"GAH! This is SO pointless!" she yelled as she dramatically collapsed on all fours next to Kousuke.

Young Kanone stepped over the scattered jackets and ear mufflers that everyone had tossed aside. They did that to cut down on their wind resistance, running and carrying their anvils.

Each screaming bloody murder whenever one of them got "the punishment."

"Oh Ryoko-kun! You've been down for over 10 seconds," chirped Kanone cheerfully. He blinked innocently at Ryoko's frightened expression.

Lifting her hands like a shield, she tried to back away. "No, no please! K-Kanone-sama, DON'T DO-!"

"It's too late for proper honorifics," he declared as he shot her down.

"NOOOOOOOO!" She fell forward, and curled up into a ball, shivering like mad.

With teeth chattering, she uttered a threat to him. "D-don't t-t-think I w-won't t-take that w-water gun, j-just youuu w-wait!"

The older boy just shrugged his shoulders. With a pencil complete with a cat-head eraser, he scribbles something onto the clipboard's sheet. It read as follows:

-**1****st**** Day of Training: Tactical Escape** (anvil, watergun)

Eyes Rutherford:_Fail by losing consciousness after tripping (on hidden water sprinkler)_

Kousuke Asazuki:_Fail by getting shot with water, unable to get up after 10 sec. _

Rio Takeuchi: _Fail by getting stomped on, unable to get up after 10 seconds_

Ryouko Takamachi:_Fail by collapsing on all fours due to sight of fallen boyfriend, sitting duck_

Eyes didn't fair well. While he was used to the cold weather of England, he wasn't used to running around. And with a five ton anvil to boot.

Little Rio didn't do so hot either. She was the fortunate one. Ryoko had run over her in an effort to get away from Kanone's waterspraying spree. Rio didn't have to suffer.

Pointing the water gun up to the sky, Kanone squirts out the rest of the water. Laughing.

:In a typical English bedroom:

Eyes was the first to wake from the nightmare of biting frost. Strands of white hair curled up from all the tossing and turning. With his pale hand, he rubbed his eyes.

"Ugh, I feel like my whole body has brain freeze," moaned a sullen Kousuke on the bed next to him. His arms and legs were spread out, apparently too sleepy to get up from the warm bed.

Eyes frowned at the analogy and replied, "That would make it a body freeze." The young British boy eased himself out of the layers of blankets and walked over to the dresser.

Sensing that the other Blade Child had gotten up, he turned his head over in Eyes' direction. In a grumpy tone, he asked, "Just what are you doing? It's midnight already."

As if on key, the British Church bells rang out. Its' sound reverberated throughout the night. It was officially the next day.

"Hmm... " Eyes couldn't help but feel like it was only the start of more psychological damage.

-**The 2****nd**** day of training: Pursuit of Personal Revenge **(mental trickery)

...typed up Kanone, the sounds of printing each letter, pounded onto the paper. He quickly typed up each of his guinea pigs, I mean, students' names. In brackets, he typed the tools and hazards of the game, only this time, it involved mind games.

"Done!" exclaimed Kanone, as he pulled out the sheet. He ran past the many long windows with their velvet drapes tied to let any sunlight pour through.

"Good morning Master Kanone! Your mother has requested me to pass on a message to you," called out one of the maids of the mansion.

The Blade Child had no choice but to stop. He knew that if his mother's name came up, it meant serious business.

Running a hand through his orange-brown strands, a gesture he did out of nervousness, he focused his eyes on her.

"O-oh my! Um, Lady Hilbert just wanted me to remind you that while you have passed her training, that does not mean you shouldn't continue to do so. It will build up your strength. Also, your mother's return date has been postponed, her duties abroad require it," said the maid, blushing slightly. She curtsied and Kanone dismissed her with a thank you.

Kanone's mother was part of the special forces (Spiral Alive, ch16). She taught him everything she knows. His eager pace from earlier died out when he heard his mother's message. He slowly descended the spiral staircase, clutching the training paper a little too tightly.

_Mother... it's just another way to say you don't want to see any of the Blade Children._

As his foot was about to touch the floor, he immediately used his foot to lightly spring himself to the side. His eyes widened at the sight of another foot poised where he had just been.

Lowering his foot, Kousuke began cracking his knuckles, baring his teeth in an utterly stupid grin.

"Payback time pal!"

Straightening himself, Kanone flashes him a mischievous smile. "Maybe you should 'pay' me back after I've 'charged' you for the rest of your training."

With her hands on her hips, Rio tugs Kousuke's elbow down to her level. She whispered exasperatedly, "Hey! Don't make him mad, he'll make the training harder!"

"Man, that doesn't mean we should do whatever he wants!" retorted Kousuke. As the two glared each other down, Eyes and Ryouko followed Kanone into a living room.

"EH?" shouted everyone at once. What greeted their sight was a mahogany round table. There were four silver chairs and another taller chair which looked fit for a king.

"And this throne here is my chair of course," announced Kanone as he eased himself in. Upon seeing the others' gawking expression, he clapped his hands, signaling for their attention like true royalty. "Come, come, please take a seat."

Kousuke snorted as he and the others took a seat around the table. Across from him, Eyes sat with his arms folded. His white hair was short, but it still got in the way sometimes so he tucked some strands behind his ear.

Kanone looked from left to right like a little boy about to plan something devious with his friends. "So here are the rules of the next segment of my training. In case you're wondering, the first three training sessions are just tests for me to evaluate on each of your abilities. Take yesterday for example. The anvils were to be your burden in a situation where you'd have to carry or take something with you while trying to escape from pursuit of an enemy. Obviously, every one of you failed."

"Of course we did! How'd you expect us to seriously fight if we have to lug around an anvil?" asked Kousuke. His magenta hair was shorter back then and he wasn't yet given his trademark yellow glasses. So it was easier to see his flashing green eyes.

"I'll explain everything later Kousuke-kun. But for now, here's the new challenge. I hereby dubbed it, Pursuit of Personal Revenge! The tool of the game is for mental trickery. What is tucked under your seat is a button and a dry-erase board with a marker tied on. I will ask a question about yourselves and all you have to do is write down an answer. Howevvver, the silver chairs are actually conductors of a lie detector."

Rio stood up and yelled, "You mean if we lie we'll be electrocuted?"

"Bingo! Although not as bad as you might think. I've already given you a hint about the tool to win this game. After you've written down _something_, each of you will ask that same question of someone else. The questioner's goal is not to figure out the answer, but to be able to ask the question so that the other person can word their answer in a,_ahem_, less embarassing way."

"Wait a sec! Are you going to force us into admitting embarrassing things about ourselves?" piped up Ryouko, slamming her fist onto the table.

"But your answer on the board is simply that: _an answer _which could be a lie. But you will have to say your answer out loud, and your physical vitals when you say it will be measured by the lie detectors. Either you figure out a way to tell the truth without actually telling it, or you rely on your friend to reword the question."

"Just exactly why are you asking us embarassing questions?" asked Eyes coldly, not thrilled at all about getting so personal.

Kanone smiled widely. "Because we're friends of course!"

_EXTRA_: **Me**, thanks for the idea. I'll figure out some questions (and equally embarassing answers) for next chapter. **nic98ole** and **m&m'srule**, I'll combine your ideas into something like the 2nd task from Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Some EyesxRio hints will come soon too **animeprincess32**. Please review:)


	3. The Outfits

**Great Teacher Kanone **by: Kounellii**  
**

_Kou's comments: _Thanks to those who've reviewed this fic: ) It's a bit difficult making this story as zany as possible but here we go!

_Disclaimer: _I do not own Spiral Suiri no Kizuna or its' characters since Kyou Shirodaira and Eita Mizuno got the rights first.

-Can I Have A Lifeline?-

With a grand wave of his hand, Kanone announced, "Let's begin!"

To which the other Blade Children fidgeted in response.

_He better not ask us who we like! _thought Rio, absently gnawing on the end of her ribbon. Her soft gray hair were tumbling out of her pigtail. Her equally gray eyes flitted over at Eyes.

_Grr… I just _know_ he's going to use the info as blackmail! _thought Ryoko, cringing about Kanone. She had deathgrips on the armrests of her chair.

_Man, I hope he doesn't ask me about what I do for a living! _thought Kousuke, bubbles of images appeared of him in various roles… After he began living on his own, there were some things he had to do to earn money…

…_I don't _think _I have any embarrassing secrets… or… _wondered Eyes, pressing his hand against his chin. Then his own eyes widened and he quickly looked off to the side, hoping no one saw him blushing.

…_Eyes-kun? _Rio, who began to think anxiously for the British Blade Child. _Damn you cat-boy! _snarled Rio, glaring daggers at Kanone.

Cat-boy, ahem, Kanone of course, caught sight of the British kid's blushing. So of course, that made him his number one target!

Cracking his knuckles to jolt the other Blade Children back to reality, he asked Eyes the first question with a devious twinkle in his eye. "_What _was the most embarrassing outfit you've ever worn? Oh, and details are necessary "

Eyes' beet red face meant a bull's eye. His blue eyes were cast downward at the board, narrowed in defiance.

_Oh no, Eyes-kun! Oooh, I feel sorry for him… but I also want to know the answer! _Rio blushed at the possible clothes he might have worn. Mostly lolita outfits that she herself wore.

Ryouko sighed in relief. Being a tomboy has its' perks. She never did wear anything remotely embarrassing, a fact that she was proud of since she threw out all her frilly dresses into the garbage can. But Ryouko couldn't help but wonder if…

Oh yes, Kousuke did, judging by his reaction. She smirked a little at the squirming red-head. He was leaning over on his arm, massaging his head like he had a headache.

Kanone smiled and practically purred. "Well, aren't you going to show us your answer?"

Eyes glanced over at the elder Blade Child, grimacing at the look on his face. He wasn't going to give into his game. At least not if it cost him his dignity! "Make me."

"OH!" The others couldn't help but say out loud. They knew it was a challenge, something they suspected wasn't a good thing against a guy like Kanone.

Not that he was offended by it. He expected as much from the piano prodigy. After all, Kanone was a prodigy himself.

At fighting that is.

Their trainer rested his chin on his other hand. His right hand lightly tapped the edge of him armrest.

"Now Eyes-kun. 'Make me' isn't a fun answer. Just write your answer down… or draw it if you want. We're waiting," said Kanone, his grin growing wider. It almost looked evil.

_THIS GUY WILL KILL HIM!_ The other Blade Children turned pale, their mouths opened in silent shock.

The British pianist picked up the washable marker (black of course) very slowly. He brought it up to his face and uncapped the marker. The squeaky sounds filled the room as everyone watched Eyes draw two masks: one happy overlapping a part of a sad one.

"Move your fat head Ryouko! I can't see it!" grumbled Kousuke as he pushed her head aside. Everyone had dragged their chairs closer to Eyes and were leaning over each other, mostly to see if the prodigy was any good at drawingXD

"Eyes-kun, please show us your drawing," called Kanone from his seat. His yellow eyes blinked a few times before he realized it was actually a picture of two masks.

Ryouko folded her arms across her chest. "_That's_ the most embarrassing thing you've ever worn? A pair of masks?"

But Kanone was of another mind. "Very clever Eyes-kun. You managed to tell us the truth, or rather, hint at it indirectly without revealing the actual embarrassing outfit," and then he sighed and smiled sheepishly, "but I can't say I'm not disappointed about finding out what it is."

Young Ryouko flushed with embarrassment this time. She took the drawing of masks literally. She felt so stupid! But a small hand was patting her head gently.

_Kousuke!_

"Oh c'mon! It's obviously hinting at an outfit used for theater. Those are theatrical masks after all," said Kousuke, as he kept patting Ryouko's head reassuringly.

Rio wasn't even listening to him. Her mouth quivered in a wavy line. _I WANT EYES-KUN TO PAT MY HEAD LIKE THAT TOO_

Kanone focused his attention on Kousuke. _His analytic ability is pretty sharp. He knew right away Eyes-kun didn't mean wearing just a mask… although he could use some tact._

Wanting to get some spotlight on herself, Rio timidly asked, "Um, Eyes-kun? Were you ever in a play?"

Eyes was a little startled by that question. Since the rules didn't call for anyone asking for details. "Yes, I was. Mother wanted me to play one of the balleri-"

At once Eyes clapped his hands to his mouth. But too late, the damage was done.

"YOU WERE A BALLERINA?"

They were cracking up with laughter! Kousuke was laughing with his arm around his head on the table, pounding it with his other hand.

_Oh Eyes-kun! You're so shhhyyyyy! _thought Rio dreamily, thinking Eyes in a tutu was even more cuter than a lolita dress.

_Mother, I wish you would stop making me dress up as a girl! This is so embarrassing_, moaned Eyes inwardly.

"Grrr, so what about you Asazuki? What was _your_ most embarrassing outfit?" demanded Eyes, his hands tightened into fists on the armrest. Though his face was madly blushing.

But soon Kousuke was blushing too!

"Yes Kousuke-kun, it's only fair to see yours since Eyes-kun asked you next."

He began to turn over his whiteboard and then suddenly, he let go of it.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" cried out Eyes and Ryouko as both of them caught it before the board hit the table and the ink rubbed off on the surface.

"I wanna see! I wanna see!" shouted Rio excitedly, as she clambered up on the table and peered directly over the whiteboard.

There were different American clothing brand logos covering the whole whiteboard.

"Is that supposed to be you?" asked Ryouko, utterly perplexed as to why there's a stick figure with only shades and a pair of jeans on.

Kousuke tried to force the whiteboard facedown so no one could look at it anymore. "Well, SORRY I can't draw! And yes, that's me alright!"

"Kousuke-kun, I suggest you just reveal what it means, otherwise I can show everyone here some posters of you…" teased Kanone, pretending to get up and bring over something.

He gasped. He grabbed onto Kanone's hand. "Just stop! Okay, I'll explain! For a few years, I was hired to model for boys' clothing for GAP and even American Eagle Outfitters kids apparel… and sometimes I was an extra on movie sets. I stepped on Brad Pitt's shoes once y'know!"

Ryouko's and Rio's jaws were hanging down. But Rio was the first to recover her dignity. She fished out something from her purple wallet with yellow dots.

"Nice wallet Rio," said Kousuke, smirking.

"Oh shut up Kousuke! And I knew it, this picture you sent me was just a glossy printout from the SEARS catalogue!" claimed Rio, waving a picture of little Kousuke in a furry Winnie-the-Pooh hoodie jacket that had the words Hunny written across.

"Hey! How come you didn't send me one too?" said Ryouko as she pulled on his ear.

Kousuke was leaning away from her in his chair. "OUCH! I didn't want to spend more money on stamps. Do you know how much it would take to send mail from England to Japan?"

They continued to bicker on for a few more minutes while Kanone was busy snapping pictures of them with his cellphone camera.

Kousuke yanked his whiteboard back. He slyly asked her, "So what was YOUR most embarrassing outfit? HMM?"

The young brunette shrugged. She casually turned over her whiteboard with one hand as she rested her chin against the other.

Kanone clapped. "You're quite the artist Ryouko-kun! Surprising actually."

"_What was that_?" asked Ryouko threateningly.

He shook his head. "Nothing! That cowgirl outfit is so cute on you Why don't you wear it for me sometime?"

Immediately he caught her whiteboard that she flung at his face.

But little Kousuke watched the playful scene between the two of them. He sank back into his chair and muttered, "She wasn't that cute."

Rio sighed. _Kousuke no baka!_

She cleared her throat, waiting for Ryouko to settle down until the steam stopped rising from her ears.

"Now it's my turn! I know I can't draw very well but hopefully you can tell what I wore," chirped Rio innocently. She was blushing, though not out of embarrassment.

"SO CUTE!" gushed everyone, well, Eyes thought it was so to himself naturally, as they looked at her drawing.

It was a chibi version of herself in Hello Kitty's outfit, complete with an adorably painted yellow nose!

Rio laughed and scratched her head shyly. "It was my nose being yellow that I thought was a little embarrassing, hehe!"

After the various teasings by everyone (except Eyes, which made Rio love him even more) to make her feel really embarrassed, Kanone could only think of one thing to say.

"The girls didn't wear anything reveali- I mean, embarrassing. So this time, I'm going to ask everyone what the underwear you're wearing right now looks like!"

And the day wore on with one ridiculous question after another. They REALLY got to know each other, if anything, some good dirt on one another for blackmail.

Hehe.

_EXTRA:_ I can't believe how long it took to complete one round of answers! But thanks again, **me,** for suggesting a quiz. There are changes to Kousuke's parts in the preview if you read it at MinnaScan. Please review!


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